The bar room definition of insanity: "Doing the same thing over and over, expecting different results." Why does that never occur to me until I'm leaving the ACME MARKET in Media at the corner of Providence Road and Baltimore Pike?
The produce is picked-over, the product selection is meager and the staff runs from condescending, to apathetic, to downright rude. As I pushed my cart full of groceries out to the parking lot the other day, the enormous, staggering drunk fella who collects the carts announced to all and sundry in his booming baritone: "They promise we'll be taken care of, get raises, but do they do it? No - they're ASSHOLES!"
This says so much - and on so many different levels, it makes me dizzy. But although his statement was, shall we say, heartfelt, all I could think was, "I've moved to the crassest place on the planet." I mean, the last time I checked, one could expect to get fired for making the above assertion in public.
But perhaps his ... frustration ... was understandable. The atmosphere on any given shopping trip is oppressive: one gets the sense that perhaps the place is a feng shui trainwreck: workers' faces are set in grim expressions of resentment, shoppers don't tarry. If this was the only place you encountered in Media Pennsylvania, you would have to conclude that you'd visited "The Unhappiest Place on Earth" (apologies to Walt Disney for the paraphrase). Oh, did I mention that their prices are high? Okay, I have now.
If you must pick up something last minute for dinner, take my advice and hit the Trader Joe's on State Street - only a few minutes away from this pit of despair. But if you have staples like cat food or paper products, you'll probably have to take your lumps at the Acme. Just push your cart, grab your stuff, pay through the nose (use the self-checkouts - why subject yourself to the nasty checkers?) and get the hell out (truly the happiest moment of your entire experience). But don't think you're free of the place once you've exited the store. Remember, Mr. Cart Picker-Upper may be lurking over there where you parked.
Wait, is that - Hey! Who keyed my car??
ACME MARKET - 527 E. Baltimore Pike, Media PA 19065
